I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
