so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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