Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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