I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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