No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
