There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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