If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
