dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.