The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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