she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
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Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.