I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?