Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.