my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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