I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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