so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Holy sore nipples Batman
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
