Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
