Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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