Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
