so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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