her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
