i was born a porn star she said
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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