The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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