dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
did i walk over a car last night?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
