I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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