Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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