i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
