Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
