I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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