We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
