we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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