god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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