I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
