Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just pee around me
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
