just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
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Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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