Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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