he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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