Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
