Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
