I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
