so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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