And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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