Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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