Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
