hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
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Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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