Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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