I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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