and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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