True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
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Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
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So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
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