Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
