god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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