i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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