I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
