I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
