How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
