The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
