Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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