i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
