I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
