Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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