I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
