His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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