i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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