Buhtt sex?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
