just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.