Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.