do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?