Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO